Season of decline

Now these dreams have faded, all gone astray. Now I fall so fast as a castaway.

Cant be lost if you have nowhere to go.

Like wretched pain inside, feel it growing. Tainted misery now suffocating.

Cant see us together now growing old.

Warmth hath left your kiss, how come its grown so cold?

Here lies jagged root so overwhelming.

This failing love, outside its gold. Inside so worthless, your words once pure now so hard and careless.

Now you say I'm done and were through. I can no longer see or understand you.

Maybe I should just leave, could just be gone. I cant feel my way to you when its become so wrong.

Find no solace with you, no relief, no reprieve. Find this betraying game and only grief left to believe.

Try to stop this frantic bleeding now. But letting go of me to unplug this somehow.

Gone burning like a bad karma amputee.

I used to lie safe in your arms but cannot stand it anymore.

Now dragged down to my knees I cry wretched on this cold hard floor.

So I cannot fly, cannot soar. Chained I am cannot touch freedoms sky.

Swallow this evil, on bad seeds I choke. Bring the final devastating stroke.

Confuse,dismantle and complicate. Ostracize, belittle and decimate.

Lamentation of silent suffering.....

See this soft memory of nigh forgotten pain written forever upon the ghost of my childhood, somehow comes so clearly into focus for me now.
From a close circle of family we find common belonging, but why this writhing discontent that seems to carry such dreaded weight?
Remembrance of what we lost in years gone by, simple pleasures we shared together, scattered upon the rocks of bittersweet tension.
Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh. How this nail deepens upon the flesh of my soul to see you in bleeding distress.
Like i can feel you twisting on a tourniquet of regret, feeling too much loss and empty time gone by. Longing to regain all that was stolen from you.

I wish i could eat this black cancer of past that holds you down, like this collective hurt we all share, to heal the wounds of yesterday.
To be the hurt, the pain, the agony for you beloved, to bleed open for you, if only that would set you free.
So i see the burning pages turn to grey ashes as my past dies to me, the dreams that have died so i can birth new ones within my soul.
This cathartic cleansing i want to share with all of you, for us to be whole once again. To find all that we lost, i still hope for that.

To see joy return unto you, to see this thieving misery wither and die.
To see its hold over you decay and turn to dust, to give birth to a new dream within your soul, a dream of love, not of pain.
Dreams that can lead you to the gates of eternity,

Trust in what God wants to give you; dreams of a better place beloved, where every tear will  be wiped from our eyes and we will never thirst again.
Where nothing can stifle your voice, where our collective hurt is a distant memory and where families are at last whole again.

This aching cold

The autumn leaves have fallen and faded under withering snow. Just as loves warmth can sometimes
become frigid and my heart hath become scattered as dead leaves upon gusting wind.
'Tis the season of this loves decline, something i have long foreseen, yet not wished for.
So unbearable these empty words have become.
Words of promise, and praise that cannot bear the weight of your contempt. I cannot recall all thats
been lost to the devouring pain as desire is torn asunder from us.
All the cold of your empty words hath bled the the warmth from my heart.

Love has ended in ashes of impermanence.
But there is no sadness left for me, ive run out of tears for you. Finding a renewing freedom in sweet
abandon.
Theres too much hardness in your touch i remember, while tender things lay shriveled. softness for
you has left my gaze and my hands.

Within.......

I lie awake at night, trying to find the truth of what I am. All my warmth leave's faced down by coldness of shame.
A bastardized doubt has long gnawed at me. Keeping me locked deep in chamber's of fear.
Like a wanton fiend or cold hatred's chill. Just want the warmth to come again. Numbing me cold hard within.

I stand with feet to flame and skin of soul that just wont heal. But want scar's that show me I still feel.
Now if I can open up and believe. Then this truth do I seek to receive.
'Cause I need somethin' that will last. Cant choke no more on ash's of my past.
Like a troubled pained history, stand on train track's of their misery.
Cant swallow these razor pill's anymore. Cant stand this dread nevermore.
All these lies come to be so hollow. To forget the tainted shade's of wallow.
To escape that undertow in water's of my making, like a pool of drowning.

I wanna cry, I wanna scream. I wanna hate this all away.
As macabre of ego infecting new reality, To bleed white through into clarity.
Like a boy sitting all anxious seeing his life through their tainted misery.
Reciting his broken self through anguished tear's flowing so profusely.
But he see's inside their blinded eyes, he seeks to smash their fragile lies.
He just was so scared, wanted to just recede.
But to his soul they don't hold the deed.

So see the man that love's through the boy that hurt's
Like a ghost that's becoming me, just bleed me free.
Breaking life, taking joy. My faded presence now is gone. I once was here but there will be a dawn.
Breaking hourglass of this curse see sand's spill as burst of fear's, like tear's that washed his hardened face for year's.
Of past lives it's like bad karma burning. Through dark day's I keep on learning....

'TIl death

I sit within your grasp, cant let go, cant be free to be me.
To say it's love just to suffocate....better or much, much worse
'tis your reason to smack me round and down.
Take my life, pump you up cause I lie within your hand's!

Ashpxia..
choke me inside, heart cant pump the other way. Like
tainted misery i can only breathe your 'love' in your presence.
Cant hold within your hand's...but to put that blade in again..
Im your bloody darling valentine. To see blood gush down
from broken nose. To rake your pretty nail's across my
back 'til that snap's i suspose.
Your fist in my back that's been bruised, my love is your cheap
trinket.

Claustraphobic..
My gentle heart your cheap toy. Death warmed is your touch,
kiss of lies to hold this chain., I try to run but you pull my leash
like a cheap bitch. Rape of all I hold pure within.

Crushing...
within  your hand's you'll die if you let go? Embrace like thorn's of
contempt, if I give you my body and soul will you love me? So build
me up, with tongue of venom whip me down. I crawl...dig that heel into
my back..crush my passion, broke my crown.

Do you expect me to eat your shit?..Hypnotize, blind my eyes.

This hurt is not my wretched infection, I'll die for good before I live
your condemnation. So I bring your insanity to a final solution .
Pull me in again? Just to tear and disfigure me down?
Im walkin away from your sick delusion...burn it down as
ashes of parody..