Within.......

I lie awake at night, trying to find the truth of what I am. All my warmth leave's faced down by coldness of shame.
A bastardized doubt has long gnawed at me. Keeping me locked deep in chamber's of fear.
Like a wanton fiend or cold hatred's chill. Just want the warmth to come again. Numbing me cold hard within.

I stand with feet to flame and skin of soul that just wont heal. But want scar's that show me I still feel.
Now if I can open up and believe. Then this truth do I seek to receive.
'Cause I need somethin' that will last. Cant choke no more on ash's of my past.
Like a troubled pained history, stand on train track's of their misery.
Cant swallow these razor pill's anymore. Cant stand this dread nevermore.
All these lies come to be so hollow. To forget the tainted shade's of wallow.
To escape that undertow in water's of my making, like a pool of drowning.

I wanna cry, I wanna scream. I wanna hate this all away.
As macabre of ego infecting new reality, To bleed white through into clarity.
Like a boy sitting all anxious seeing his life through their tainted misery.
Reciting his broken self through anguished tear's flowing so profusely.
But he see's inside their blinded eyes, he seeks to smash their fragile lies.
He just was so scared, wanted to just recede.
But to his soul they don't hold the deed.

So see the man that love's through the boy that hurt's
Like a ghost that's becoming me, just bleed me free.
Breaking life, taking joy. My faded presence now is gone. I once was here but there will be a dawn.
Breaking hourglass of this curse see sand's spill as burst of fear's, like tear's that washed his hardened face for year's.
Of past lives it's like bad karma burning. Through dark day's I keep on learning....