Lamentation of silent suffering.....

See this soft memory of nigh forgotten pain written forever upon the ghost of my childhood, somehow comes so clearly into focus for me now.
From a close circle of family we find common belonging, but why this writhing discontent that seems to carry such dreaded weight?
Remembrance of what we lost in years gone by, simple pleasures we shared together, scattered upon the rocks of bittersweet tension.
Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh. How this nail deepens upon the flesh of my soul to see you in bleeding distress.
Like i can feel you twisting on a tourniquet of regret, feeling too much loss and empty time gone by. Longing to regain all that was stolen from you.

I wish i could eat this black cancer of past that holds you down, like this collective hurt we all share, to heal the wounds of yesterday.
To be the hurt, the pain, the agony for you beloved, to bleed open for you, if only that would set you free.
So i see the burning pages turn to grey ashes as my past dies to me, the dreams that have died so i can birth new ones within my soul.
This cathartic cleansing i want to share with all of you, for us to be whole once again. To find all that we lost, i still hope for that.

To see joy return unto you, to see this thieving misery wither and die.
To see its hold over you decay and turn to dust, to give birth to a new dream within your soul, a dream of love, not of pain.
Dreams that can lead you to the gates of eternity,

Trust in what God wants to give you; dreams of a better place beloved, where every tear will  be wiped from our eyes and we will never thirst again.
Where nothing can stifle your voice, where our collective hurt is a distant memory and where families are at last whole again.

This aching cold

The autumn leaves have fallen and faded under withering snow. Just as loves warmth can sometimes
become frigid and my heart hath become scattered as dead leaves upon gusting wind.
'Tis the season of this loves decline, something i have long foreseen, yet not wished for.
So unbearable these empty words have become.
Words of promise, and praise that cannot bear the weight of your contempt. I cannot recall all thats
been lost to the devouring pain as desire is torn asunder from us.
All the cold of your empty words hath bled the the warmth from my heart.

Love has ended in ashes of impermanence.
But there is no sadness left for me, ive run out of tears for you. Finding a renewing freedom in sweet
abandon.
Theres too much hardness in your touch i remember, while tender things lay shriveled. softness for
you has left my gaze and my hands.

Within.......

I lie awake at night, trying to find the truth of what I am. All my warmth leave's faced down by coldness of shame.
A bastardized doubt has long gnawed at me. Keeping me locked deep in chamber's of fear.
Like a wanton fiend or cold hatred's chill. Just want the warmth to come again. Numbing me cold hard within.

I stand with feet to flame and skin of soul that just wont heal. But want scar's that show me I still feel.
Now if I can open up and believe. Then this truth do I seek to receive.
'Cause I need somethin' that will last. Cant choke no more on ash's of my past.
Like a troubled pained history, stand on train track's of their misery.
Cant swallow these razor pill's anymore. Cant stand this dread nevermore.
All these lies come to be so hollow. To forget the tainted shade's of wallow.
To escape that undertow in water's of my making, like a pool of drowning.

I wanna cry, I wanna scream. I wanna hate this all away.
As macabre of ego infecting new reality, To bleed white through into clarity.
Like a boy sitting all anxious seeing his life through their tainted misery.
Reciting his broken self through anguished tear's flowing so profusely.
But he see's inside their blinded eyes, he seeks to smash their fragile lies.
He just was so scared, wanted to just recede.
But to his soul they don't hold the deed.

So see the man that love's through the boy that hurt's
Like a ghost that's becoming me, just bleed me free.
Breaking life, taking joy. My faded presence now is gone. I once was here but there will be a dawn.
Breaking hourglass of this curse see sand's spill as burst of fear's, like tear's that washed his hardened face for year's.
Of past lives it's like bad karma burning. Through dark day's I keep on learning....